Every night before they fell asleep he would
ask her for another number.
What's number 62? he would ask.
The way you talk when you're on the phone to
your father, she would say.
What's number 85?
The way you suck my big toe when we're fucking.
Number 2?
The smell behind your ears.
He remembered them all and kept a written list
hidden in his sock drawer.
One night he asked her what number 85 was, just
to hear her say it again.
The colour of your eyes in sunlight, she said.
He thought she had made a mistake, so the next
night he asked her again.
What's number 85?
The way your hold your hands across my belly
when we shower together, she said.
One way to look at it, he thought, was that there
was no definitive number of ways she loved him. She just said whatever
came into her head when he asked. She wasn't keeping track like
he was.
The other way to look at it was that the list
was in flux. Each item was jostling for position. Eyes in sunlight
had been at 85 the night before, but had since advanced to 58.
Hands across belly when showering had moved into 85th position,
up thirteen places from 98 perhaps, or maybe down twenty from 65.
He couldn't work out which was the more likely
possibility. He tried revising the list, but it was only a matter
of weeks before it became illegible, so much had been scribbled
out and rewritten.
One morning at breakfast he showed her the list
and told her his theories about the list of ways she loved him.
She laughed and offered a third explanation, and it was so much
better than the two he'd come up with.