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Most Likely to Succeed.
12th July 2004, 12.08am

I know you're not supposed to be competitive about these things, so let me just say from the outset that I'm dead impressed, but ego being what ego is, there's part of my brain that's kind of disappointed. My fifteen-year high-school reunion is coming up in November (we didn't have a ten-year reunion, I think mainly because nobody could be bothered organising it) and I was kind of looking forward in a Romy and Michelle I-invented-postits-and-the-nerd-with-the-helicopter-likes-me kind of way to coming back to the home town crowd as a published author. Like, hey - look at me, I'm a published author! Take that guy-who-used-to-beat-me-up-and-is-now-in-real-estate-living-five-blocks-from-his-parents-house! Take that pretty-girl-who-I-always-had-a-crush-on-but-who-went-out-with-the-guy-who-used-to-beat-me-up-and-is-now-in-real-estate-living-five-blocks-from-his-parents-house! Take that various-other-people-who-I-have-low-level-dislike-for-because-of-some-vague-reason-that-I-don't-properly-understand-but-which-probably-has-more-to-do-with-the-innate-alienation-of-adolescence-and-less-to-do-with-anything-that-ever-actually-happened! You know the drill.

Isn't it interesting how, when films like Donnie Darko come out, everybody identifies with the lonely teenage loser without friends that the sporty guys all picked on? If everyone was that guy or girl back in high school, who the hell was doing all that bullying?

So there I was, thinking, "Hey, published author. Alright! That's got to be top of the pile in the impressive and intellectual career paths," when I find out that Anna Brownfield now makes porn. Not just porn, either. Feminist porn. Holy damn. Now that's impressive. To top it off there are at least two interviews online with Anna being extremely articulate and smart and funny and charming about the whole thing.

So on the one hand, go Anna. That's fucking excellent. Well done. But on the other, poo. I'm not gonna be the one the nerd with the helicopter takes home after all.

It's a good thing these kind of things aren't competitions.

 

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