Molly Meldrum's Drink Card
I lean with my head against the
tile above the urinal as I piss away most of what I've drunk tonight.
Not that it makes me feel any soberer. I mouth the word 'soberer',
testing it to see if it sounds like a made up word. I think it
does, but I can't be sure until I'm soberer.
"You okay, mate?"
I straighten up and look over. Standing at the basin, flicking
water from his hands is Molly Meldrum. I finish up and zip myself
back up. "Yeah, I'm fine," I tell him. I start giggling.
Molly starts drying his hands under the hot air dryer. I skip over
to the basins, trying not to stare but staring anyway.
"Can I touch your hat?" I ask, and even as I'm asking
it I feel myself reaching over to grab it. Molly is rubbing both
hands together under the jet of warm air as I reach over, so he's
not quite quick enough to stop me yanking it off his head. Grinning,
I plonk it on top of my own head and turn to see how it looks
in the mirror. I burst out laughing and then turn to face Molly.
"Hey, check this out," I say, trying to remember what
his catchphrase from CountDown used to be. It was only a couple
of weeks ago I saw them re-run on Rage, but I can't quite put
my finger on it.
"Do a favour for yourself," I try, but it's not quite
right. I frown.
I look up at Molly for help, and I freeze. He's standing there,
really still, with an embarrassed and offended expression on his
face. I realise that I've just been really rude to a man I've
never met before, simply because I've seen him on television a
few times. I blush intensely and take Molly's hat off, gingerly
handing it back to him. He snatches it from me and settles it
back in its proper place. All of a sudden I'm feeling stone cold
sober.
"Do yourself a favour," he says. Oh yeah. Now I remember.
"I'm really sorry," I stammer, staring down at my feet.
"I really am. I shouldn't've done that, it's just I got a
little excited seeing you here, and I've had a bit to drink tonight
too..."
"I can tell," says Molly, and something in his tone of
voice makes me look up. He's not frowning at me. He's kind of
smiling.
"Yeah, well, I'm sorry," I say, looking him straight
in the eyes. "I suppose you must get that kind of shit a
lot."
"Not as much as you'd think," he says, adjusting his
hat so it sits more comfortably.
"Well, I'm sorry," I say again.
"Don't worry about it," he says. "Here. You look
like you could use a drink." He hands me a small piece of
card and smiles, then walks past me, out of the toilets. I look
at the card. It's a drink card. It's a drink card that's only
had two of the six drinks crossed off on it. Molly Meldrum just
shouted me four drinks. I look at myself in the mirror and there's
no way I can suppress the grin and the cackle that bursts out
of me, so I don't even try. After the laughing fit subsides I
tuck the drink card into my shirt pocket and splash a little
cold water on my face. I straighten my hair, which had been a
little messed up by the hat, and head outside to find Gina.
"No way!"
"It's true. See?" I pull the drink card out of my pocket
and show it to Gina. She peers down at it, and I peer too. This
time I notice that Molly's name is written across the top of it.
"That proves it," I say, pointing to the top of the card.
"Wow."
"So I guess we'd better have a couple more drinks," I
say. "No point in refusing the hospitality of a television
star, is there?"
Gina grins and agrees with me and the two of us make our way to
the bar. With the evening's proceedings more or less over, the
crowd is thinning out fast. I catch the attention of one of the
guys behind the bar and show him the card. He takes it from me
and examines it, as though he's checking to see if it's a forgery.
"Sorry," he says, handing it back to me.
"What?"
"You can't use this. It's a VIP-only card. See?" He points
to Molly's name at the top of the card.
"I know that," I say. "It was Molly who gave it
to me."
"Makes no difference, sir, whether he gave it to you or you
found it on the ground," the guy says. "I'm afraid only
Mister Meldrum can redeem this card."
"I didn't find it on the ground," I protest. "Molly
gave it to me."
"Whatever," the guy says.
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