THEY CALL IT FRENCH ISLAND

Grandad Chandler, 1974

They call it French Island, with its dust and its flies,
Yer hair feels like broomsticks, with clods in yer eyes!
They don't live in mansions, but villas and huts,
The roads are just gravel, with potholes and ruts,
Now their mode of transport, Old Bombs is their name,
From rust and decay, they all look the same !
If ya push 'em to start 'em, they make ya feel ill,
So ya leave the thing running, or park on a hill !
If down in a hollow, you stall, that's too bad,
The whole family bails out, including Mum and Dad !
When one meets a neighbour, they natter all day,
And work half the night to make up delay!
No certificates, no seatbelts, no police to abuse,
You can go to a party, and drive home full of booze!

To get to the mainland, there are various ways,
The Stony Point Ferry calls on week days,
But when it's not running, speed boats you can hire,
When ask,"What's the tariff" it makes you perspire!
If ya wish to "cut a dash", ya can charter a plane,
That's half yer week's wages gone down the drain!
There is a vessel that looks like "The Ark's
It's hours of running are "daylight and dark"
The reason for this - now all jokes aside
To operate successfully, they call it "The Barge"
And like all the rest, they know how to charge!
With sheep and with wool, with cattle in trucks,
To get them across costs ya quite a few bucks!

It may be one evening, when relaxed in a chair,
A telephone blast makes you leap in the air!
Three rings on the phone, is the cause for alarm,
A couple of crims broke loose from "The Farm"
Now these coves may be dangerous, they're not in there for fun,
So ya hide all yer ammo and dismantle yer gun!
Ya bar all yer windows and lock all yer doors,
And hide any rowboats around the sea shores
For the next few days, yer on "Q.V"
Ya see that there criminal behind every tree!
They say there are koala and birdlife, that's true,
But ya have to be an expert to find a Potoroo,
No rates and no taxes, now that's not too bad,
To live on French Island you'd have to be mad!

Courtesy Allan & Kathleen Chandler and Family 1998.