Why did the Chicken Cross the Road?
Karen Johnson, from Out of the Kaje #3 (October 1998)
You may have seen some of these jokes before (or something very like
them). The ‘chicken’ joke is one of the most widespread in the world. Versions
of it have been found scrawled on temples, office buildings, cave walls,
and toilet doors (all the holy places of the world) from Sydney to Sri
Lanka. In fact, this is such an old joke that they even found a version
of it painted in the Lascaux caves in France, next to the running deer
and hand prints “Why chicken cross road? – Sabre-tooth coming. – To eat
chicken? – No. To eat us. Run!” Then there was the version carefully recorded
on a rock wall somewhere in the Northern Territory – “Why did the chicken
cross the road? – Uhhh. What’s a chicken?”
Needless to say, if you believe all that I’ve got a perfectly good
bridge to sell you… it’s shaped like a coat hanger and it comes in a pre-assembled
metal girder kit. BYO spanner (ultra-large) and be ready to dodge the traffic.
This may be an old joke, but all the versions of it on these pages
came out of my own head, recorded during a brief spell of insanity. Sorry,
I’m recovered now. I won’t do it again. I promise. It was a brief mental
aberration caused by chronic lack of hot water…
With no further ado, here are the jokes.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Freudian: it was a phallic symbol
Jungian: the road is a dream symbol for all the hopes and desires of life,
Nihilist: the chicken is nothing; we are all nothing.
Buddhist: the chicken must not be harmed; the chicken is a symbol of man’s
eternal striving on the wheel of life.
Fundamentalist: It was part of God’s plan for the chicken to cross the
road. Why are you questioning His will?
Atheist: I don’t believe in chickens.
Realist: Chicken soup!
Politician: There must have been a vote in it.
Pauline Hanson: Go back to Asia, chicken scum!
Bill Clinton: I assure you, I didn’t touch it…
Bob Hawke: I promise you, by the year 1995 no chickens will be forced to
cross the road.
Colonel Sanders: I don’t know, but that gives me a great idea…
TAC Advertisement: When the chicken tried to cross the road it had no idea
the awful fate that lay in store. Remember – speed kills.
Media Watch: And in the Illawarra Mercury the story became “the chicken
crossed the road.” A striking similarity…
Victorian: It heard there was gas over there.
Sydneyite (In response): Gas. Who cares about gas. The chicken needed water,
I tell you.
Aucklander: You’re both wrong. The chicken wanted to turn on the light,
but it had run out of candles.
Seinfeld Addict: Who cares? My life is over.
Charlie Sheen: It was ten feet tall I tell you…
Dougie the Pizza Boy: Hey man, it was trying to frame me.
Soccer Fan (with matches under their eyes): Come back after the World Cup
Hong Kong resident: We must kill it in case it is carrying the chicken
Victorian Chemist: It heard about our special gas-crisis offer – 25% off
viagra, and a free electric kettle with each order.
Lindy Chamberlain: That’s no chicken – that’s a dingo with feathers!
The Pretender: That was no chicken - that was Jarrod in disguise!
Poultry Farmer: Break out!
Alice: That’s nothing. I just saw a disappearing cat talking to a 7-foot
Mulder – For weeks, chickens have been mysteriously drawn to cross
the road. We must investigate.
Scully – Chickenfeed!
Mulder – I agree with you entirely. This chicken phenomenon is merely
a symptom of a much larger problem.
Scully – No. Someone’s scattered chicken feed along the far side of
Mulder – Oh…
Turkey: Chickens, chickens, why is it always about the chickens? What about
us! Turkeys demand equal airplay!
Star Wars (Darth Vader): Come! Feel the power of the Dark Side pulling
you across the road. The chicken was nothing – I want you, Luke!
Star Trek (Counsellor Troi): I sense that the chicken had a deep psychological
urge to cross the road, but felt great fear of the consequences.
Xena: Warrior Princess: You want to stop the chicken crossing the road?
You’ll have to go through me first. Heeeeeeeyaaaaa!
Bart Simpson (on blackboard): I must not superglue chickens to the railway
Lit. Fan: this obsession with chicken jokes shows the essential shallowness
of the media fan’s attitude towards the genre.
Media Fan: Is that Babylon 5, Star Trek, Star Wars or Blake’s 7?
Fanzine Fan: I’ll take a poll in my next issue and get back to you in a
couple of months with answers from England, the USA and Canada.
Traffic Policeman (to chicken): I’m sorry madam, I’m forced to charge you
with jaywalking, (squawk) abusive language, (peck) and assaulting a police
officer. If you continue to resist (flap) Right that’s it – where’s my
capsicum spray (Squawkkkk….).
Chicken: Why did you ask all those people? Why didn’t you just ask me.
Do you think I want to end up like that?
Want to contact me? E-mail firstname.lastname@example.org